Living with Uncle Bob
by loveydovey14
Summary: Sideshow Bob is put on parole again, and is asked to look after Cecil's young son, his nephew, Neil Terwilliger. Rated T for casual Simpsons swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Living with uncle Bob.**

**I have seen no fanfics so far with Sideshow Bob's nephew, Neil, so I thought it was time for him to be in a story. **

**The Simpsons are property of Fox and characters are Matt groening's, I own nothing, yadda yadda yadda. If you have seen the Simpsons comic "Bart de triomphe" Neil is in the first few panels, running from some guys that look like security guards. Though the comic was published 1996, a whole year before Cecil was introduced, I still think Neil is his son, despite the fact he looks more like Bob, having the same style of hair. I think this because if he wasn't Cecil's son, that would've meant Bob and Cecil had another sibling, and he/she would've been seen at Bob's funeral in "Funeral for a fiend" but we only see Cecil, so he would have to be his dad. Think whatever you want about Neil, I don't care, but this is my fanfic. I'm rambling off, let me get on with it.**

**Okay, so Bob is paroled again, but this time, Cecil asks a favor of him: To look after Neil and try to turn him into a good kid, as he is nothing like his father. This takes place after "Brother from another series" and before "Day of the Jackanapes".**

**No flames, or rude comments. **

Springfield prison was getting dangerously overcrowded. There were at least twenty convicts in each cell. Chief Wiggum was walking down the corridor with the prison warden. A few prisoners swore at them as they walked by.

"What should we do about this prison overcrowding?" Wiggum asked taking a sip of coffee out of a mug that said "TOP COP" and had a picture of a bodybuilder surrounded by women in bikinis.

"Well, I'm afraid we have no choice," said the warden. "We have to put some prisoners on early parole." So that is exactly what they did. Prisoners from each cell were parolled, like Snake, Ice Pick, and decapitating Harry. When they came to the final cell they looked inside, and saw a tall, slender man with a head of giant red hair, and oversized feetlaying on the top bunk. It was none other than Sideshow Bob. Laying on the bunk below him was a younger looking man, with light ginger-colored hair. It was Bob's brother Cecil. Along with them were about eight other men.

"Who should we release in this one?" asked Chief Wiggum. The warden lifted a hand to point, and then covered his eyes. "Eeney, meeney, miney, moe, that convict is free to go." The warden opened his eyes and was pointing at none other than Sideshow Bob. Chief Wiggum unlocked the cell.

"Allright, Bob, you're free to go". Bob got off his bunk. "Now?" Cecil exclaimed. "But it's only been three months! He was entenced for five years!" Bob smirked at his younger brother. "Well," said Cecil. "I suppose they're only releasing the lower-form criminals."

Bob whirled around and looked at his brother's face throught the bars. "I'M a low-form criminal? Who's been trying to commit _murder_ for almost a decade? All you did was try to blow up a dam!"

"So? You and those annoying children were in there, that counts as murder."

"Well, it's not a very good way to commit murder."

"All right, that's enough!" Wiggum said loudly. "Let's get your parole papers Bob". Bob began to walk away, but not before Cecil pulled at his arm.

"Robert, if you're going to be leaving, I would like to ask a favor of you."

Bob gave Cecil a look, but he turned back to him. "You remember my son Neil, don't you?" Bob remembered all right. "Yes, I remember that little hellion of yours." Cecil narrowed his eyes. "Anyway, my ex-wife Edith passed away two weeks ago, and-" Bob cut him off. "You mean Neil has been living alone for two weeks?" "No," said Cecil. "He knows if there is ever a situation where neither of us are home he is to go to our neighbors. As I was saying, I need you to live with him, and if at all possible, try to teach him some manners. That boy is passive-aggressive, and he has no friends, so he is often inside. Maybe you can straighten him out."

Bob thought about this for a moment. Why should he do Cecil a favor? After all, HE tryed to kill and frame him for blowing up the Springfield hydroelectric dam. But still, he was his brother, and something made him say, "Fine."

"Thank you Bob." Cecil reached into his prison uniform pocket. "Here is the key to the apartment. Good luck".

Bob took the key and joined Wiggum and the warden for his parole hearing. In no time, he found himself outside of the minimum-security prison, calling for a taxi. A taxi stopped, and he climbed in. How was he going to do this? He barley knew his nephew. How could he turn a bad kid he hardly knew is a proper young boy? He would have to reach him somehow. He took a book out of the briefcase he had that was titled "Child Psychology."

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**Okay! Hope you liked this chapter! Next we meet Neil.**

** Once again, NO rude comments.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay! Chapter 2! Here we...one second...GO!**

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"Allright, pally, here's your stop". The taxi driver pulled over onto a curb in front of an apartment. Bob remembered this apartment. It was were he and Cecil had that arguement about him being Krusty's sidekick instead of Cecil. Bob paid the driver and opened the main door. Neil's apartment was on the second floor. He wondered what had changed in there last time he was in there. After all, a ten-year-old boy isn't one to keep a place clean for more than three hours. Bob finally reached the apartment door, pulled out the key and stuck it in the lock. He paused for a moment, took a deep sigh, and opened the door.

To his surprise, the room didn't look too bad. There were some socks laying on the floor, and playdude magazines laid all over the table. Bob looked over on the couch, and was not surprised by what he saw: Neil sleeping and clutching a bass guitar. The television was on and showed a high speed car chase. Bob leaned over his nephew and got a look at him. He was wearing long brown pants, a light yellow t-shirt that said in black letters "SCREW YOU", and on his left ear was a small gold earring hoop. How did Neil get away with getting an earring? Cecil would have never allowed that. But then again, his mother might have. Edith was a little more free spirited. His hair was a lot like Bob's, but his was dark brown and more messy and tangled. Neil's feet were not oversized like his. He must've gotten his mother's feet.

Bob gently shook his nephew's shoulder. "Neil". Neil moaned a little bit. "Neil!" Bob shook his shoulder again. Neil yawned but didn't open his eyes. He stretched his arms and put his guitar on the floor. He was still half asleep though. He rubbed his eyes. "Dad? I thought you were in prison". Neil's eyes adjusted, and saw not his dad, but his uncle.

"Uncle Bob? What are you doing here?" He sat up. "I was put on early parole," Bob said. "But your father asked me to look after you. I'm very sorry about your mother, by the way."

"Ah, it's okay" Neil shrugged. "I've gotten over it the best I can." Neil got up from the couch and walked over to the refridgerator. He took out a carton of milk, but he didn't get a glass. Instead, he drank straight out of the carton. When he was finished, he let out a big belch.

Bob could tell that this was not going to be an easy task of turning this little hell-raiser into a good boy. Bob took the milk from neil's hands and closed the fridge.

"I also promised your father that I would turn you into a proper young man." Neil looked at his uncle with a sly look on his face. "Pfft. Good luck. Dad tried to do that, but he failed, and you will fail too."

"Au contraire," Bob lifted a finger. "I was the one who taught your father to be good, me being the eldest and all. If I could do that to him, I can do it with you."

"Oh yeah?" Neil got a cocky look on his face. "When I'm done with you, you'll be huddled in the corner beggin' for mercy!" Neil laughed. Bob narrowed his eyes. "We'll see about that." He said, then set down his briefcase. "Now, first things first, we must clean up the apartment".

Bob set down his briefcase. He looked over at the pile of Playdudes on the table. Each cover had a picture of scantily clad or naked women on them. "Where did you get these?"

"From the Kwik-E-Mart" Neil answered. "They'll let you buy anything there. Except beer and cigarettes. You have to have a stinkin' I.D. for those."

Bob sighed and rolled his eyes. This was going to be so much harder than he expected. Maybe even harder than killing Bart.

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*The next morning*

Bob walked into Neil's room. It was a mess! His whole floor was completely covered in magazines and dirty clothes. Bob walked over all that and up to Neil's bed. "Neil, it's time to get up". He shook Neil a little. Neil opened his eyes. "Uncle Bob, what time is-SEVEN O'CLOCK?" Neil shouted. "Yes, you don't want to waste the whole day sleeping now do you?" Said Bob, casually. "But it's SATURDAY!" Neil protested. "But if you spend the whole day sleeping, you won't have time to do all the things you want to do."

"But this IS what I do on Saturday!" Neil said. "Well, then it's time for you to learn to do something different. Now get out of bed and get some breakfast. We're going clothes shopping."

"What do I need clothes for?" Neil grumbled, dragging himself out of bed. "Have you seen what you're wearing?" Bob pointed at this pajamas. He was wearing a pair of faded sweatpants and a beat up old baseball shirt with stains on it. "The first step to becoming a proper gentleman is to dress like one. Now come". Neil rolled his eyes and followed his uncle.

After breakfast, Neil got dressed into some dirty jeans and a light orange shirt that had the words "HI JACKASS" on the front and "BYE JACKASS" on the back. Neil brushed his teeth and walked out of the bathroom "Neil, you didn't brush your hair." Bob said looking up from the morning newspaper. "My hair looks fine." Neil protested, but before he could debate with his uncle, he found himself being dragged into the bathroom and Bob brushing out his hair.

"You're treating me like a baby" Neil complained as Bob brushed his hair. "Well, you're insisting on me treating you like one. Now hold still". Neil crossed his arms and grumbled in the same manner as Bob when he stepped on rakes.

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**Next chapter, Neil causes a little havoc at the mall, and Bob has to chase him down!**


	3. Chapter 3

Bob and Neil got in the car and drove off to the mall. Neil stared out the window in dismay. He _hated _shopping. If he ever needed to wear something nice, he could never pick out what he wanted to wear. His father always picked out his clothes.

Soon they arrived at the Springfield mall. Neil hopped out of the passenger seat. He spied his favorite stores: Hot Topic, Aeropostle, and Pac Sun. But Bob dragged him past those stores and brought him to a regular children's store. Before they entered, Bob stopped Neil.

"Hold on, Neil." Bob bent down and licked his thumb. "You have a chocalte stain on your cheek." Neil swatted his uncle's hand away. "Stop treating me like a baby!" Bob rolled his eyes.

"Alright Neil, I want you to look around, and let me know if you've found something you like."

Neil looked along the racks of clothing. Everything was all prim and proper. There was nothing he liked. He picked up one shirt and cringed. "How can anyone stand wearing this crap?" he said to himself. When he turned around, Bob was holding a sweatervest very similar to the one Cecil had on before he went to prison.

"Ooh, Neil! Let's try this one on, shall we?"

Neil was not going to stand for this. "You gotta catch me first!" Neil dashed off out of the store. "Neil Terwilliger! Get back here this instant!" Bob shouted as he ran out of the store. Neil, being younger and more agile, moved quicker. But Bob wasn't about to let his nephew run amuck through the mall.

Neil quickly ran onto the first escalator he saw. Only then did he realize it was an _up _escalator and he wasn't going anywhere. He looked back and saw Bob running on the escalator too. Without thinking, Neil jumped off the side and landed on a pile of mattresses that were on a forklift. He turned and blew a raspberry at Bob. Bob then jumped of the side and landed nimbly on a forklift...of RAKES. Three rakes hit Bob square in the face. Bob grumbled and jumped off.

Unbeknownst to them, heading their way were the Simpsons. Homer had lumbered off to a Moe's Express for a beer. Marge was taking Bart, Lisa, and Maggie for an eye exam. "I wonder if I'll need glasses" Lisa said. "My vision is getting kinda blurry."

"If you get glasses, you'll look just like Milhouse" Bart joked. "I am _definatley _getting contact lenses." Lisa corrected. "We'll see" said Marge as they walked into the eye care ward. "I'm sorry," said the receptionist. "You're appointment has been pushed back a week. Apparently, some kid wanted a tattoo on his eye, and the doctor will be out all week doing that". a scream came from behind the exam room door. "OH GOD! IT HURTS LIKE HELL!"

"Oh my..." Marged muttered. "Well kids, why don't we just browse for a bit?" "Okay." Bart and Lisa agreed. "I'll be in the 'Neglectful husbands' section of the bookstore." Marge took Maggie into the bookstore.

Bart and Lisa were about to walk to the MyPod store, when Neil dashed by. They stopped in their tracks. "Um...did...that kid look like Sideshow Bob to you?" Lisa asked. "Uh, I dunno." Bart answered. "I knew the hairdo looked familiar, but he doesn't have the same face as Bob". Just before Bart could take one step forward, someone crashed into him. Bart fell on his back. When he looked up and rubbed his head, he realized he was looking at the face of Sieshow Bob.

"AHH! SIDESHOW BOB!" Bart screamed.

"AHH! BART SIMPSON!" Bob yelled.

Bart picked himself up. "What are you, of all people, doing out of prison?" Bob got up and brushed dirt of his clothes. "Well, if you must know, I was put on early parole, and put in charge of my nephew, Neil."

"Was that the kid who just ran past us?" Lisa asked. "Yes, it was." Bob said. "Look, I know we are mortal enemies and all, but I need help stopping him! I promise, if you help me, I'll delay my plans to kill you".

Bart thought for a moment, thinking it was a trick. He was not one to trust a man who has tried to kill him almost four times. "Bart, I think we might want to help Bob on this one." Lisa said. Bart looked up at Bob. "Do we have to?" he complained. Lisa nodded. "He's gonna delay his plans to kill you. That buys you a little more life". Bart thought and thought and thought. "Okay, fine. I have an idea. Chase him onto a down escalator, and I'll take care of the rest." Bob reluctantly agreed. Within a few minutes of searching, he found Neil outside the video game store. "There you are!" Bob shouted. In a blink, Neil took off again.

The chase ensued once again. Neil ran into the pet store. He knocked over six cages containing brightly colored parrots. The birds flew into Bob's face. "Ack!" Bob swatted them away. Neil dashed out of the pet store. Bob followed intent on catching him. "You stop right this second!" he called. "Kiss my ass, old man!" Neil shouted looking back briefly.

He looked ahead and saw the Moe's Express bar. Moe was wiping away the rather small counter, around the already drunk Homer. Neil spied a dozen Duff beer cans lined up next to Homer's head. With all his might, he sped up to the mini bar and, with his arm stretched out, he knocked all the cans onto the floor. Bob didn't see them fast enough to jump, and slipped on the cylindrical cans of beer. Bob stumbled over them and fell on his face. "Hey, hey!" shouted the raspy voice of Moe. "They're shaken, I can't sell those now!" Bob ignored what he said and took off. Homer looked up. "Hey, Sideshow Bob has a mini-me".

Once Neil saw an escalator, he tried to run up it, but, of course, it was a down escalator. Bob ran up it too. He looked at the top and saw Bart and Lisa. Bart was holding a high-helled shoe. Bob knew instantly what Bart was gonna do. Bart stuck the heel in one of the cracks of the stairs. The shoe stopped the escalator. Neil jolted forward because of the lack of momentum and fell flat on his face.

Before he could get up, Bob grabbed his shirt collar and dragged him off the escalator. "Thank you, Bart, thank you, Lisa".

Bob and Neil got back in the car and drove home. When they got back to the apartment, Neil folded his arms in anger. "Well," said Bob in a angered tone of voice. "You certainly were a terror in the mall". Neil just went "Hmph."

"Oh, take off your shoes, you'll get dirt everywhere." Bob leaned down and started to untie his nephew's shoes, but Neil pulled his foot away.

"You're doing it again!" Neil shouted.

"Doing what?" Bob snapped back.

"You're treating me like a baby!You never treat me like a ten-year-old kid!"

Bob stood up, leaned forward with a grimacing look on his face, looked Neil straight in the eye, and said "Listen to me young man, I do not treat you like a baby,I treat you the way you ought to be treated, and you don't even act like a ten-year-old child! Now go to your room!"

"Go to my room? See, you don't treat me like a kid!" Neil ran into his room and held the door open. Tears were forming in his eyes. "YOU JUST TREAT ME LIKE YOUR BABY NEPHEW!" he cried as he slammed the door so hard, it shook the pictures on the wall.

Bob sighed. "Because you are".

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**I am totally sorry about this chapter, I rushed it. I'm gonna reupdate it soon.**

**I totally stole a line from Darkwing Duck, I admit it, but it fit with the concept of Bob babying Neil, so I just put it in to create tension. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for being patient.**

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**The next morning, Bob was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper and drinking tea. Neil walked out of his room with a scowel on his face. Today he was wearing a light green t-shirt that said "LIFE SUCKS". He was carrying a baseball mitt and ball. "Where are you going so early?" Bob asked. "I'm going to the park across the road." Neil replied without even looking at him. He walked out the door. Bob shrugged and continued sipping his tea.

About an hour later, Bob was watching _That Thirties Show. _Then he thought of Neil. What was he doing at the park? He had a baseball and glove, but who was he playing with? Bob remembered that Cecil told him Neil had no friends. So how could he play catch by himself? Bob walked to the window, and looked out at the park across the street. There was a playground, and a small baseball diamond. But what he saw next was shocking. Neil's hands were tied to the fence chain links and Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearny were pelting him with baseballs! Bob bolted out of the apartment.

Outside..."Dork!" Jimbo yelled as he threw a ball at Neil's face. "Wuss!" Kearny shouted. "Your dad is in prison!" Dolph hollored. "Your dad is in prison too." Neil retorted. "Yeah," Dolph shrugged. "But my dad was caught drunk driving! Your dad was gonna kill the whole town!" Dolph whipped a baseball at Neil's stomach. The bullies laughed.

Bob ran onto the field. "Hey! Get away from him!" Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearny took their bucket of baseballs and scrammed. "You better run, you smarmy little bastards!" Neil moaned in pain. Bob took a small pocketknife out of his pocket and cut Neil free. Neil rubbed his wrists where the rope was tied. He was covered in bruises. He right eye had swollen and turned a dark shade of blueish-purple.

"Are you alright?" Bob asked worriedly as he bent down to eye level with his nephew. "Yeah." Neil said. "Do you need me to call their parents?" Bob asked as he looked at the others run away.

"No, they won't do anything about it. And they do this so often to me that it...actually...doesn't...hurt as...bad!" Neil started to cry and ran back to the apartment. "Neil wait!" Bob shouted. He followed Neil back upi to the apartment. Neil ran into his room and closed the door. Bob was about to open it, but he decided against it. He thought he would come back later when Neil was in the mood to talk. Which was hours later, around noon.

Neil sat on his bed, strumming a few notes on his bass guitar. Bob opened the door and looked inside. Neil was very sad. Bob opened the door and walked in. "Neil?" he said. "I brought you some lunch, in case you were hungry". He handed Neil a plate with a sandwich on it.

"My life is a living hell." Neil said glumly, setting down his guitar and putting his face in the palms of his hands. Bob sat down on the bed next to him. "No it's not." Bob said, putting his arm around Neil's shoulder. Neil stood up and shouted, "OPEN YOUR EYES, MAN! My dad is in prison, my mom is dead, I have no friends, I have a bully problem, and a psychotic murderer for an uncle!" Neil took a photo of Cecil and him off his dresser. He looked at it in dismay. Then he growled, and threw the picture against the wall letting the glass shatter into a million tiny pieces.

"Neil!" Bob was surprised at this outburst. Neil ran over to the picture and began to stomp on it. Bob got up and grabbed Neil. Neil kicked and shoved to get out of Bob's grasp, but Bob held on tightly. He picked Neil up under his armpits and lifted him onto the bed. "Neil, listen to me!" Bob held Neil's shoulders tightly. "We all have bad times in our lives, and they hurt. Sometimes they scar us for life. But not all of your life is like hell".

Neil calmed down and wiped a tear away from his eye. "Li-like what?" he sniffed. "Well," said Bob, thinking. "You have a family who loves you". Neil thought about that. He knew that Uncle Bob cared about him. And his father, and his grandparents, Robert Sr., and Dame Judith. He cared about them all too.

"Well, I...I guess." Neil said. "Now," Bob cooed. "I think you should try to act happy, and lets go eat some lunch". Bob got up and began to walk out the door. Neil got off the bed, ran up to his uncle, and wrapped his arms around Bob's waist in a big hug. Bob stopped and looked down at the small child holding onto him.

"You're my favorite relative". Bob couldn't help but smile, and he leaned down and hugged Neil back. "Do you think you can try to be a young gentleman for your dear Uncle Bob?" Neil looked up at him. "Okay". They hugged tighter. "Let's go get some Krusty Burger" Bob said. "I thought you hated Krusty." Neil said, a little surprised. "I do". Bob said in a dark tone. "But all the children in this damn town like him. So I figured you must like him".

"Yeah, I kinda do". Neil shrugged. "I entered the Krusty Kroissants contest and won by writing the winning slogan 'they're so tasty and extroadinary, you'll eat so much you'll have a coranary'. But the rules said that if you're an employee, former employee, or a relative of them, you are invalid to enter. And since you're Sideshow Bob, they gave my prize to some other kid".

Bob got a bit curious as to who this other kid was. "Who was it?" Neil scratched his chin. "Ummmm, what was his name? Beckett? Ben? I don't know, but he had spikey blonde hair". At the word of "spikey blonde hair, Bob instantly knew who he was talking about. "Bart Simpson." He said in a dark tone, dripping with evil. Neil cocked a brow in confusion. "Oh, Bart Simpon is the little idiot who has led me to my life of crime".

"Oooohhh..." Neil said. "The kid you're always trying to kill".

Bob got an idea. He smiled slyly. "You want to get revenge on Bart for taking what should have been yours, right?"

"Ummm, I guess so. I really wanted that trip to France".

"We'll make Bart pay. And then we shall taste the sweet nectar of _revenge._

Neil got a sneaky, evil look on his face. "Yeah! Lets!"

Bob and Neil maniacally laughed together. _"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

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Look out Bart! Bob's his nephew on his side! People, I need some ideas as to what they could do to him. I won't announce who's idea I will use, so there wn't be a spoiler. But I'll mention your name in the next chapter. R&R!


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